I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
