didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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