'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
