Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize