I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
