I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
