The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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