i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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