i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
