Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
