wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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