Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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