I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
