I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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