everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
