I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
