Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
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