Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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