can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize