I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
