i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
