weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
