do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
