it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
