I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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