How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
