oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
