let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize