McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
