She announced her abortion via fbk
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
