I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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