Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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