My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
