I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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