We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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