Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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