i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
