went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
