fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
