You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I have already put on my inside pants.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
