She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
