if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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