Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize