Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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