it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
