You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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