I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
