If i come over, it means nothing
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
