I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize