It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
