just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
