I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Randomize
