I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize