I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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