He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
