Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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