no, he came in my armpit
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
