Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
