It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
