My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
