I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
