My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Where is the hickey?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
