Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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