cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
