No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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