Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need moral support for this bender
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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