My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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