He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
