to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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