sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
