No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
