This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
